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Health & Fitness

The Sandwich Generation

July is officially Sandwich Generation Month. I have never liked the term "Sandwich Generation." I feel the metaphor fails to truly validate the collective challenges faced by family caregivers, adult children and aging parents, because all three segments of the family system simultaneously cope with unique periods of transition and reinvention.

Most sandwich generation publications focus primarily on the needs and challenges of the family caregiver. This is both understandable and needed, given the enormous challenge that comes with caring for both young adult children and aging parents.

Yet, I would argue that this is also a challenging time for the young adult children and aging parents. In spite of that, these generations are often positioned by experts as the source of the problem. I wonder if the sandwich generation concept might actually model or reinforce the lack of multigenerational understanding, empathy and planning that is needed for successful family transition and growth.

Do all parties realize that they are all going through a simultaneous transition? If so, would this be a source of strength and promote coming together as a family unit?

I thought it would be interesting to review peer-reviewed literature, social media and advocacy spaces to develop a more balanced picture of the needs and solutions for the entire family system when multigenerational transitions collide.

"Many of us help older, sick or disabled family members and friends everyday... we are glad to do this and feel rewarded by it, but if the demands are heavy, we can also become exhausted and stressed. We think we should be able to handle caregiving roles on top of busy worka nd family schedules and begin to feel guilty and depressed as our stamina wanes." - Family Caregiver Alliance

While reviewing the PR newswire, I came across the term "dual caregiver," I really like this term because it accurately captures the challenges that family caregiers face when trying to balance parent, family and career needs at the same time. Common challenges for dual caregivers include:
   - Adjusting to new/shifting family roles as children/parents age
   - Feeling the need to reinvent themselves given role changes
   - Lamenting on their own signs of aging and thinking more about mortality
   - Feeling overwhelmed and exhausted from career/caregiver roles
   - Having little time for themselves
   - Anxiety and depression over time

A close friend of our family shares their experience with dual caregiving. "My dad has Alzheimer's, mom as heart trouble, mother-in-law has emphysema... as the oldest children in both families we are the go to ones as well. I have an incredibly stressful job on top of it all... I try and get my siblings involved and delegate responsibilities. We made med books for them and keep them up to date. We involve our neighbors as well. I have three kids, grand kids and all of their problems to deal with."

Young adult children in many cases struggle through quarter-life transition. "When young adults emerge at graduation from almost two decades of schooling, during which each step to take is clearly marked, they encounter an overwhelming number of choices regarding their careers, finances, homes, and social networks. Confronted by an often shattering whirlwind of new responsibilities, new liberties and new options, they feel helpless, panicked, indecisive and apprehensive." - Alexandra Robbins, investigative journalist and author.

Alexandra Robbins, a best-selling author and journalist, is credited with this term and has written a great book entitled "Quarterlife Crisis: The Unique Challenges of Life in Your Twenties." the quote above captures the unique transitional challenges that young adult children experience at the same time that their parents and grandparents are working through their own transitions. Some common needs and challenges for young adult children include:
   - Feeling indecisive and uncertain about college/career path
   - Wanting autonomy yet lacking confidence
   - Lamenting financial dependence on parents
   - Struggling to find job due to poor economy
   - Feeling overwhelmed with increased responsibilities

"My one daughter has all these responsibilities with her job and she has all her children. I don't feel that they should have to take care of us. They should see us more because we are getting older. Like I said, they have big houses and family to take care of. They have yards to keep clean and they're workaholics." - Susan from Venice.

Reflection can lead to reinvention. While reviewing the most recent issue of Psychology Today, I came across a great article by Kathryn Betts Adams, PhD, MSW entitled "Mourning and Reinvention in Mid-Life." I really like Dr. Adam's concept that mourning and reflection needs to take place when we experience transition and life changes. We have to take the time to acknowledge and process the fact that we will miss past roles. We also need to process and embrace the uncertainty that lies ahead as a "rite of passage" that others have gone through. Even though this article was focused on mid-life transition, I feel that mourning and reinvention are relevant for quarter-life and late-life transitions as well.

This posting is becoming much larger than I initially anticipated, and I apologize for my lenghty respose. If you or someone you know is struggling in the sandwich generation, reach out to me. I have created a Family Transition Action Plan that is designed to assist the entire family to understand and work through life transitions.

Have a blessed day. Cheers!

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